Cars, like people, have their own personalities. Some are as reliable as a Swiss watch, while others are too beautiful to be practical. But remember: if you want a car that serves you rather than the other way around, the Japanese are always top-notch.
So, let's dive into the Germans, Japanese, Koreans, Italians, French, Swedes, Czechs, British, Americans, and others!
Germans: Boring and Pompous in One Bottle!
Mercedes-Benz I’m the boss here, peasants!
This car doesn’t drive—it commands. Even when parked at a supermarket, a Mercedes gazes down on other cars from the height of its star. But beware, if you have an old E-Class, everyone will know you’re trying too hard to look important.
BMW I’m the king of the road, and you’re all pedestrians!
A BMW in Cyprus is not just a car; it’s a challenge to traffic lights, rules, and common sense. Love speed, style, and being the center of attention? This is your ride. But be ready for everyone to think, “There goes another reckless BMW driver!
Volkswagen German bore. If there were a competition for dullness, it would win gold.
Volkswagen is the car that says, "I’m practical and economical, and I don’t need to prove anything." Golf, Passat, Tiguan—they’re reliable but lack excitement. If you’re looking for thrills or personality, turn to the Japanese.
Audi The rings remind me of the 1980 Moscow Olympics, which many countries skipped, yet it still found fans.
Audi is for those who love German comfort but crave more emotion than a Volkswagen can offer. Q7, A6, TT—every Audi fan has their favorite model. Just don’t think about the repair costs for the multimedia system.
Porsche" t used to be top quality, now it’s... who knows?
Porsche was once the pinnacle of premium quality, but even fans now aren’t sure where the brand is heading.
Opel ’m just the practical neighbor who always has a screwdriver.
Japanese Cars: Built to Last Forever!
Toyota I ’m here to live forever.
Toyota is the queen of reliability! This is the car that outlasted the VHS era and will likely keep running longer than your fridge. Land Cruiser conquers the Troodos mountains with ease, while the Corolla faithfully serves three generations of a Cypriot family. Looking for a loyal companion? Toyota’s your choice.
P.S. Lexus—"Toyota that decided it’s elite.
Honda The dream of every woman on March 8th.
Honda is all about style, reliability, and ease. CR-V is perfect for supermarket runs, while the Civic offers a sporty drive. And men who pick Honda? They’ll hear, "You really care about our family!"
P.S. Acura—Honda dreaming of the big leagues.
Nissan I’ve got something for everyone.
Nissan is like a Cypriot supermarket: everything you need and a little extra. The X-Trail is perfect for beach picnics, and the Micra fits into Larnaca’s narrow streets. Want something bold? The GT-R will show who’s boss on the road.
P.S. Infiniti—Nissan pretending to be premium.
Subaru Who? Oh, it’s me—your best friend!
Subaru is the choice for those who know cars but don’t shout about it. With all-wheel drive, reliability, and a unique engine, Subaru handles Troodos serpentine roads effortlessly.
Mazda Beauty in simplicity.
Mazda is for those who want to stand out with style and taste. Beautiful, sleek, and reliable, it’s a head-turner. And if it’s an MX-5, expect envious stares and the phrase, "Wow, that’s stunning!
Suzuki The name sounds like a kid’s show, but its reliability rivals Toyota’s.
Suzuki is the small hero of the big world. The Jimny can go where even a Land Cruiser can’t, and the Swift wins hearts with its easy parking—even at Limassol’s market. Need reliability without the fuss? Suzuki is your answer.
Daihatsu You wouldn’t guess I’m a hidden Toyota.
Daihatsu is like Toyota’s little brother quietly doing its job. Small, economical, and built with love for eternity. The Rocky? Perfect for all of Cyprus’s roads.
Mitsubishi I’m a real bodybuilder.
Mitsubishi is all about power and performance. The Pajero tackles any off-road adventure, while the Lancer Evolution makes you feel like a racer. Mitsubishi is for those ready to dominate the road.
Mitsuoka I’m not a car—I’m a work of art.
Owning a Mitsuoka is like owning a masterpiece. It’s an investment that will only grow in value.
Koreans – Still trying to convince everyone they’re Japanese, hoping no one notices!
Hyundai
Stylish, but no longer budget-friendly.
Hyundai is the car that shouts, “Look how stylish I am!” But behind this style, it’s hard to hide the fact that the quality doesn’t reach the stars. Tucson and Santa Fe look fabulous on Cyprus beaches and supermarket parking lots, but driving them long-term feels like walking in expensive shoes on rocky terrain: beautiful on the outside, but not so comfortable on the inside.
Kia
The younger sibling who grew up but still flies under the radar.
Kia was once known for its affordability. Now, it tries to dazzle with design, but it can’t boast about either price or quality anymore. The Sportage and Stinger are love at first sight, but as soon as that “love” fades, you start noticing flaws—especially when you visit the mechanic more often than the beach.
Italians – They’re better at making clothes!
Fiat
An Italian soul with a dramatic flair included.
Fiat is like Italian coffee: beautiful, delicious, but sometimes moody. If you’ve chosen a Fiat 500, be ready for attention, but remember—you’ll have to befriend its electrics and suspension quite often.
Alfa Romeo
For romantics who couldn’t afford something more prestigious.
Alfa Romeo is like an Italian song: beautiful, passionate, but occasionally melancholic. If you want a stylish car and are ready to live with its “character,” it’s your choice. But beware—this “romance” might demand frequent visits to the mechanic.
The "Show-off and Resourceful" Club:
Lamborghini, Maserati, Bugatti, Ferrari
Drivers of these cars are bursting with arrogance.
These cars are more suited for Instagram than actual roads. Their drivers are always the center of attention, even if that attention is just at the parking lot.
The French – Beauty demands sacrifice, what did you expect?
Renault
You’ll never understand the subtle soul of a Frenchman.
Renault is like a glass of red wine: beautiful, stylish, but sometimes puzzling to open. If you’re an aesthete who appreciates French chic (and are willing to befriend the local electrician for its wiring), this is your pick.
Peugeot
Beauty comes with a price!
Peugeot is for those who want a stylish car that occasionally makes you wonder why you chose it. But if you’re ready for the mystery, French charm will keep you delighted.
Citroën
I’m too beautiful to be driven.
Citroën is a work of art on wheels. The Cactus or C5 Aircross look like they just walked off a runway. But be prepared: this beauty sometimes prefers standing still and catching admiring looks rather than actually driving.
Swedes and Czechs – Built socialism and beat communism!
Volvo
Swedish socialism can only be built and understood by Swedes.
Volvo is all about safety, eco-friendliness, and coziness. These cars are made to make you feel at home. But let’s admit it—sometimes they demand you understand their Scandinavian soul.
Skoda
The last bastion of communism. Admit it, you read Karl Marx at night!
Skoda is a car for those who value simplicity and functionality. But if you’re looking for something more vibrant than just a means of transportation, the Japanese will offer you much more excitement.
The British – Every Empire Has Its Downfall
Land Rover
A car worthy of jokes and British humor.
The "Land Rover Enthusiasts Club" is more than a community—it’s therapy. If you didn’t meet your friends at work, you’ll definitely run into them at the repair shop. A Land Rover driver knows: life is an adventure, and it often starts with a tow truck.
Jaguar
A cat that thinks it’s a tiger!
Jaguar looks stylish and elegant but sometimes claims more than it can actually deliver.
Mini
"’m small but proud. Just check the price.
Rolls-Royce/Bentley
For those who want to be talked about at every corner.
Americans – Whatever they do, it just doesn’t work out. These cars must be made on Mondays!
Jeep
Wait, I’m supposed to start too?
Jeep is a car that looks like a true hero of adventure. But sometimes, it feels like it’s not always ready to join those adventures. If you’re lucky with the model, it’ll give you loads of emotions, but Japanese SUVs will do so with fewer expenses.
Tesla
For those who dreamed of being tram drivers as kids but now dream of space travel.
Tesla is about dreams of the future and saving the planet. But if you’re not ready to adapt to its infrastructure or wait for charging, patience is key. Or perhaps, consider joining the fire brigade!
Ford
I’m simple but not very reliable.
Ford Fiesta, Focus, and, if you want thrills, Mustang—practical and time-tested cars. But for durability and reliability, you’re better off looking at the Japanese.
Chevrolet
What are you, a fan of old American movies?
Chevrolet is like a car from Hollywood classics of the past century. Yes, it may make you feel nostalgic, especially if you’ve watched gangster or cowboy movies. But in today’s world, it’s more about “beautiful heritage” than practicality. If you love the old-school American style, this is your choice—but be prepared for reality to outpace your “classic.”
Chrysler
I’m sort of American, but they left me behind.
Others – There are so few of them we gave them their own group
Dacia
"Savings above all, but style? What’s that?"
Dodge
"I’m supposed to be powerful, but why would I need that in Cyprus?"
Seat
"Spanish passion in German packaging."
Chery/Geely
"The Chinese option if you’re up for experiments."
GMC
"Big like a truck, but why?"
Lada -Kalitka
"There are a couple of them in Cyprus, in the antique car museum."
Lada is the car that brings nostalgia to communism fans and laughter to the younger generation. This car’s journey to true automotive greatness is like the hero of a cult movie—"knocking on heaven’s door." If you happen to see a new Lada on Cyprus roads, pity the owner; they’ve had bad luck with relatives.
Zaporozhets
"Proudly forgotten Soviet antique."
You won’t find this wonder car on Cyprus roads or parking lots. However, the antique car museum houses a single specimen. And looking at it, you can’t help but wonder how it even got there in the first place.
Why Are the Japanese Better?
Toyota, Honda, Nissan, Mazda, Mitsubishi, Subaru, Suzuki—these are cars that won’t become antiques even decades later. They are reliable, durable, and always bring joy to their owners.
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