Updated: Jun 19
So, you just became the owner of the most unusual car of the 21st century this far. Absolutely everyone falls in love with this car at the third glance. Why the third and not the first, you may ask? Simply because when you look at it for the first time, you get an incomprehensible feeling. The geometry of the car is very unique and peculiar and nothing really out there to compare it with. The second time, you look at it you can’t help but begin to start cozying up to it but after the third glance you just get this warm feeling which makes you smile and this smile never leaves you. But, don’t flatter yourself; this car has more flaws per cubic meter than the tank of water at the top of your average Cyprus home.
Nissan cube - do not buy this car!
The Nissan Cube is a rather extravagant machine. Each time you take a peek at it, you a silly smile if formed on your face, making you look like a character from the Hugo novel “A Man Who Always Laughs”. Moreover, the more you look at it, the more you will be smiling for no apparent reason. Over time, you will begin to smile, just thinking about your Nissan Cube!
This car is really SQUARE and awfully big inside. Think about it. Would you prefer your passengers running around the cabin, or would you rather their knees rest against your back and their feet scrubbing your ears?
She has more than just a front panel; she has a whole table in front of her eyes. You can actually do homework with your child on the road, cut a salad, play backgammon, etc. But do you relay need too? It could be quite dangerous and life threatening, you know!
On the road, you simply become the center of attention, other drivers and their passengers will simply fall out of the windows just to stare at you. For this reason alone, this car simply obliges you to always be well groomed and look your best. So, you simply need to forget about driving to your mother-in-law’s house to pick up the baby in your curlers and nightgown.
The car’s trunk opens like you would open a refrigerator door. But again, do you really need that? Every time you open the back door you will always get confused thinking that you are actually preparing to cook dinner for the family. Isn’t it easier to buy a hatchback, already knowing and being used to finding its open button ... in the most secluded place, and getting an opportunity to really use your smartphone’s flashlight feature? Wouldn’t it be a waste not having the ability to use such a useful feature on your expensive phone? Indeed, do you really need a refrigerator on wheels to remind you of your housewife responsibilities forever?
Since there are very few such cars, you will clearly stand out in your small Cypriot town or village. Everyone will know exactly what boutique you are currently in, and God forbid, should you decide to go for hair removal or to a hairdresser, you will immediately become the center of close examination. No GPS needed. You are everyone’s GPS tracker. All will know your each and every move, whether they like it or not, may they do that consciously or subconsciously. Particularly zealous fans of the Cube will be closely watching and worrying every time you miss a manicure or doctor’s appointment
You will also have more quarrels with your spouse, because if he suddenly takes his ride for service, he will prefer to ride a taxi or rent a car instead of sitting beside you while you are at the wheel of your cartoon car. Of course, having him sit beside you will enable you to notice if his eyes decide to graze at any cuties crossing the road.
Now, if you have teenage or grown up children they will love the spacious interior of the car. But I do urge you to make sure that the car is cleaned thoroughly because what may fall and hide between the cracks or under the wide comfortable seats may very well cause you to divorce.
She has the gear shifter right at the helm; an idea apparently stolen from the old Soviet Volga. Indeed, why did they have to place it at the helm? We are so used to being on alert and watching while our children are striving to reach the gear shifting knob between the front seats. This exercise session is terminated permanently.
She also has such a low clearance that you are forced to slow down every time you come across a speed bump. Thus, missing out on the opportunity to simply fly over them with the thrill of the danger of damaging the springs and the suspension system of the car. Another loss of adrenaline rush!
You will be stopped by all the traffic cops of Cyprus, simply because they will be interested in seeing your baby Cube up close, and at the same time flirt with you, inventing a beautiful excuse. So, you will just have to observe all the rules of the road.
Even if you have an un-attending spouse, for some reason, with the purchase of the Cube, he will gradually degenerate into Othello, most likely because of all the attention you will be receiving from both men and women alike.
Do you still want to buy a Nissan Cube? Well, do you need it? You still have time to buy a gray sedan proudly and effortlessly merging with the crowd. If you do not want to feel bad every time you fly ‘Economy’ DO NOT by any means buy a Cube. Once you get used to this level of comfort and available space, there is no turning back. For God’s sake DO NOT make this mistake.
In short, Never, ever and under no circumstances, buy a Nissan Cube! The fewer Cubes out there, the more attention we will get!